“I don’t know why you still smoke.”
Kae lifted the cigarette to her lips again and inhaled deeply, ignoring what Chukoy had said, acting as if the portly young man next to her didn’t exist.
“Habit,” she responded curtly, after exhaling a plume of smoke.
“Well, could you get one that doesn’t stink?”
“Hah. As if yours is any better.”
“Hey, hey.” said Chukoy as he sat on a tree stump by the roadside, “Drinking doesn’t stink as bad as smoking.”
It was 2 AM, and the crickets were deep in the middle of clicking their night songs. South Drive at this hour was always deathly quiet.
“God, I hate waiting around like this,” muttered Kae as she lit another cigarette.
“Shhh!” said Buchukoy, “I hear someone coming!”
True enough, the increasing whir of a car’s engine hovered through the midnight air. A pair of headlights grew larger with each passing second, the loud dance music it carried along reverberating as it neared. The lights jerked and jagged, swerving between lanes, before correcting itself and repeating the process.
“Here we go…” Kae whispered as she ground the half-finished cig into the ground with her boot heel.
Chukoy shot Kae a look.
“Kae, you better not…”
Kae smiled at Chukoy one more time before turning around.
“Kae!”
And Kae ran toward the center of the road, right onto the path of the incoming car.
**********
Today was Ben’s birthday. He had just turned 27.
Or at least that’s what the calendar said. And that’s what all of his drunken workmates screamed at him as midnight struck on a Friday night bar hop binge. As the rest of his colleagues whirled and swayed to the DJ’s thumping music, Ben sat alone at the booth, nursing the same half-finished beer he had begun the night with.
Birthdays are supposed to be joyful, he told himself. And so instead of heading straight home as he always did, he RSVP’d “Going” to the office’s weekly drinking spree. Rather than be labeled a killjoy, he figured that sucking it up for one night and paying for everyone’s drinks would shut them up sooner about asking him for a birthday treat.
“Hey, Benny!” yelled Romel from the dance floor, “Come dance!”
Ben smiled back politely and pointed to his drink as if that were reason enough to keep himself glued to his chair.
As the rest of the office continued dancing, Ben tapped through his phone aimlessly, as if waiting for another message apart from the birthday greeting his mother had sent. Who else was he waiting for? Or better yet, what?
“Wooo! What a party, Benny!” said Romel, as he squeezed back into the booth where Ben sat. “Do you mind if I sit for a while? I’m thinking of texting some of our old workmates to come swing by. That’s cool with you, right?”
Ben glared icily.
“I’m going to get some air.”
The club had a balcony where most folks took to for their cigarette breaks, or to make out when the bathrooms were occupied. Thankfully, right now, it was empty. Ben leaned himself against the metal railing and stared off into the glowing lights of a city fast asleep. He took a deep breath. Part of him wished he could be among those sleeping soundly in bed right now, and another part of him wished he could understand why the other part wanted that.
“Hey, Ben.”
Rachel, the kind girl whose workspace bordered Ben’s at the office, walked out. She had a brand new bottle of tequila in her hands. It seemed that everyone had gotten through the first two bottles already.
“I need a break from serving everyone.” she continued, “They’re starting to act insane. Billy from HR took his shirt off earlier, and now he can’t find it. He’s walking around inside shirtless.”
Ben chuckled weakly. “I guess I’m staying out here then.”
“Smart man,” said Rachel as she handed him the bottle. “Here, why don’t you do the honors for this one Mister birthday boy. I haven’t seen you drink anything apart from that three-hour old beer bottle in your hand.”
Ben shook his head with a laugh before cracking the bottle’s lid open. He walked back to the edge of the balcony and poured half a shot’s worth of tequila down onto the grass below.
“I still don’t know why you do that,” said Rachel.
“Oh, it’s a habit. My uncles used to do the same. Something for the spirits… or the ancestors… I forget.”
“Interesting.”
Ben poured a shot for both of them, which they downed at the same time. The stinging taste of tequila lay rich on his tongue. Both he and Rachel grimaced as they took a few moments for the fiery liquid to settle.
“Do you want to come back in?” asked Rachel rubbing gently at the base of her neck.
“No, I’m fine right here.”
“Is everything alright, though?”
“Yeah, everything’s fine.”
Rachel rolled her eyes and raised an eyebrow at him.
“You’re a terrible liar Ben. You know that, right?”
“Well,” Ben paused as he peeled away leftover wrapping from the tequila bottle’s neck, “I don’t know. I feel lost. Here I am, 27 years old, in the prime of my life, and yet I feel like I’m asleep in some way. Almost as if there’s nothing to believe in. No real direction – or any indication that I’m even headed in the right one. It feels like I’m waking up to the same day every day, not anywhere close to figuring out how to feel less lost.”
“I feel you.”
Ben sighed as he poured another shot onto the ground below.
“I work and I work and I hope that’ll fix it. And then all of a sudden I don’t remember what day it is. I’m getting older, but I still don’t know where I’m going – or where I really want to go.”
“What did you want to do when you were younger?” asked Rachel as Ben poured another shot for them both. “You don’t look like someone who dreamt of crunching numbers and balancing accounts.”
Ben looked into the distance with a half-smile. “No… I didn’t know what I wanted, even back then. I guess what I’m terrified of is that not knowing used to bother me day and night. Now, it only comes when I’m reminded of my age. The rest of the time, I don’t feel anything anymore… Almost as if I’m sleepwalking through my life.”
“That’s kind of bleak, don’t you think?”
“Yeah, I figure.”
The two clinked their glasses together before downing a second shot.
“You have a way of really brightening the night, don’t you Mr. Birthday Boy?” teased Rachel as she walked back in.
Ben smiled as he poured another shot off the balcony, before following Rachel back into the club.
**********
“Let’s head out!”
Rachel was driving. It was her van, after all.
Ben piled in with the rest of his drunken officemates. The plan was to go drinking some more, but somewhere more “scenic,” as Romel put it. Plastic bags filled with more liquor rattled from behind the farthest rear seat where Ben sat. He had hoped that the few shots of tequila would kickstart his excitement for the night, but all it made him was drowsy. He pulled the windows open and waited for the cold breeze to slap him awake.
Not even the rowdiness of his co-workers or the loud dance music blaring from the van speakers could wake Ben up from his mental stupor. As the car chugged and made its way through the quiet roads, someone from the back yelled.
“RACHEL! LOOK OUT!”
Rachel slammed on the brakes so hard everyone jolted out of their seat. The harsh noise of brake pads grating against metal, and rubber tires skidding across pavement filled everyone’s ears. The van sat askew on the edge of the road, smoke rising from the skid marks it had left behind.
“Is everyone okay?”
Ben looked to see his workmates sitting back up on their chairs. Although shaken, it appeared no one was terribly hurt. From the driver’s seat, Rachel began to sob.
“Oh, my God… my God…” cried Rachel. “I hit someone… I hit someone…”
The party music continued to play until someone clicked the radio off. Everyone sat in stunned silence. A few moments earlier, a woman had walked straight onto the middle of the road right as they made a turn.
“For God’s sake, can someone check to see if she’s okay?!”
Romel being the closest to the door, cracked it open and tentatively stepped out on to the concrete, as if afraid of what he would ultimately find. One of the new employees, a girl Ben knew only as Kim, began muttering prayers under her breath. No one wanted to look back. Everyone knew what they saw.
“Uhm… guys?” called Romel from behind the van, a hint of worry in his voice.
“There’s no one here.”
Rachel stopped sobbing. The new girl stopped muttering prayers. Everyone but Ben turned to look back. There was nothing there. Save for the skid marks the van itself had left, there was no damage, no trace of anything getting hit, no nothing.
“But… wasn’t there someone?” asked Rachel, “I could have sworn…”
“Well,” began Romel as waves of relief slowly washed upon the group. “It might have just been a reflection? Maybe some shadows from the trees? I mean, we are all pretty drunk.”
The van’s engine restarted. Rachel pulled it back in line with road, and the group proceeded in silence.
“It was probably nothing…”
“Yeah, it was nothing…”
But Ben remained stunned in his seat, wordlessly trying to process what had happened. His blood racing, his mind no longer asleep. He knew it was far from nothing. He had seen a lady walk onto the middle of the road. And upon the moment of supposed impact, saw her pass through the van like an immaterial shadow, smiling at him directly for the split second they shared space.
Ben felt a tingle in his limbs. Each deep breath that filled his lungs with fresh batches of cold, crisp mountain air invigorated him. A close call with death, coupled with something he could not explain, struck a nerve within.
Ben was wide awake.
**********
Kae continued down the road, giggling as Chukoy tried to keep up behind her.
“God I hate when you do that!” said Chukoy “We could have waited for a chance where we didn’t have to endanger, I don’t know, a whole van’s worth of other people!”
“Look, it worked, didn’t it? And if you stopped eavesdropping on people, maybe I wouldn’t have the urge to help out as much.”
Chukoy sighed in surrender. “I know. I just can’t help it. He seemed like a good kid and he was giving out free booze…”
“Whatever.” smiled Kae as she lit another cigarette.
The moon shone brightly on the pair as they waited for other nearby atangs to drink.
Copyright © 2019 Cousin from Baguio